Berpisah tiada

Perkembangan mutakhir negara tercinta membuatkan aku sedih;

Banyak golongan agamawan/mengaku agamawan yang, walaupun barangkali punya pelbagai ilmu, tapi ada krisis tasawwur yg kronik.

Baby

Part of my job description is to attend the resuscitation for high risk baby delivery. The obstetrician will deliver the baby by means of either normal, instrumental or caesarean, and I have to be there to catch the baby and manage accordingly. 

It is a time-critical care, and you would endeavour to do things correctly in the first few minutes of life, or otherwise the consequences could be detrimental, or God-forbid; fatal.

Often, it requires good management of the airway and ventilation of the newborn. To achieve this, skills like opening and securing patent airway, and delivering adequate amount of oxygen to the lungs are key element to ensure a good outcome. 

It always has been a rewarding moment for me if I can hand back a good, crying and active baby to mom immediately after birth, but sometimes when I had to wheel them up to special care unit or to be retrieved to ICU, it can be heart-breaking.

I probably shall never forget this one particular case:

An emergency code was called on one fine evening for emergency caeser for a poor baby heart-tracing on CTG and scan. Actually, it was an almost flat line. Baby's heart is not pumping.

My colleague from the Obstetric was screaming on the phone to book the case in theatre and rushed her in. 

I came in and they were just about to make the first cut. I prepared my resuscitation cot and waited anxiously.

"*Thick mec, Fitri!" his voice boomed. And shortly after, a flat, 'blue-as-bluehyppo' baby was pulled out, without any signs of movement or effort-to-breath.

The nurse cut the cord and brought the poor baby on the resus cot. I shoved in the laryngoscope inside the baby's mouth and cranked it up; and there it was, mouth-filled with meconium/infant's poo.

Suction was made, but I can't still see the upper part of the air-pipe, and there was a lump of meconium stuck on it, obscuring the view. I can't intubate the child. 

The nurse shouted 'I can't feel the heart beat', and at that point of time, I started the CPR and gave a positive airway pressure, hoping it would push the obstructing mec away.

And it did.

Baby started to move at around 2 minutes of life, and heart rate stable around 5 minutes of life. The baby started to cry and **pink-up shortly afterwards. 

Alhamdulillah. 

We need to take him to special care for IV lines, medication and nutritional support.

As I wheel him up from the theatre, his little hands extended upward and, by God, his cute little fingers were wrapping around my right hand (which, at that point of time, holding the oxygen mask on his mouth). He opened his glistening eyes briefly, and looked straight at me. 

As if, he was trying to say, "don't give up on me".

I can not describe to you the feeling.

I just can't.

I thank Allah SWT for granting me, a lowly slave of Him, such a wonderful opportunity to help others in need.

Alhamdulillah all is well for the baby. He was stable, feeding well soon after and gained good weight. Discharged after a week.

I pray for your good life ahead, dear baby. 

*meconium: infant's poo.

*pink-up: returning to normal skin colour. 

Paediatric

Alhamdulillah.

Enrolled in the postgraduate program of Paediatric by the University of Sydney. 

Courses, lectures, paperworks, reports and exams. Welcome back! 

May Allah SWT grant me hidayah and 'inayah. 

"Rezeki baby" my wife said. 

The ship is yours

Subhanallah. .

Anak, Famili dan kerja.

Alhamdulillah. Aku rasa macam sudah tua. Isteriku pun tegur "Abg nampak mcm dah lain." .

Kalau ada satu dua yang boleh aku kongsikan tentang kehidupan di sini;<.

1. Lelaki harus ada pelan. Be realistic. .

2. Lelaki harus buat keputusan. Firm. .

3. Lelaki harus bertanggung-jawab. .

4. Usia, kesihatan, masa dan rezeki milik Allah S.W.T. Bukan kuantiti yang akhirnya memuaskan anda; tapi keberkatan. Percayalah..

5. Hati dan perasaan ibu-bapa/Mertua perlu dijaga at all cost. .

Baru jantan!

Antara soalan-soalan yang biasa ditanyakan oleh sahabat-sahabatku tentang kehidupan berkeluarga ni adalah

'Best ke?'

'Apa yg lain?'

Aku rasa, saat paling best adalah masa kejut isteri untuk solat subuh dan solat berjema'ah. 

Bunyi mcm poyo, tapi itulah yang aku rasa.

Ketenangan abadi. 

Abadan abada.

Nama

Pilih-pilih nama anak ni seronok juga.

*chuckles

"..aku menulis, bukan kerna nama"

Ramli Sarip - Bukan Kerana Nama

Taqarrub ilallah

Ada tiga event besar yang bakal berlaku dalam tiga bulan yang mendatang, InshaAllah:

1. Baby 

2. Pindah rumah baru

3. Pindah hospital baru/naik pangkat

Serabut nak uruskan satu per satu. 

And with these; hail a new milestone in my life.

I could not resist but to ask myself "How about my imaan? 

Has it gotten any better?

Has I clinched up towards God with every minute that passed?" 

I dare do all that may become a man; who dares do more is none -Macbeth, Act 1, Scene 7

Tukya

Aku mahu bina sebuah rumah. 

Sebuah rumah yang dirancang rapi, diperbuat dari bahan berkualiti yang aku pilih sendiri.

Akan aku bina dikit demi dikit, hari demi hari, dengan tulang dan jari-jemari ini.

Rumah itu akan jadi kebanggaanku,

Tempat berlindung anak isteriku, rumah pusaka hingga ke anak cucu.

Biarlah apa orang kata; aku ingin jadi sedegil *Tukya.

*Allahyarham Azizi Hj Abdullah, Seorang Tua di Kaki Gunung.

Man-talk

You know what you're doing is right. 

Stay focused. Push through it. Keep the momentum.

If you can't deal with the 'accessory' matters; leave them be. You can't deal with them all at once anyway. Do what you can, and never ever let your guard down and get distracted from your aim. But, never to forget them altogether, too.

People will criticise and condemn you; let them be. Learn and adapt what you can from them, but never let them bogged you down.

For, in the end, your eventual victory will be the mighty answer to all the critiques, doubts and jeers.  

Remember; 

If you're at loss, you will suffer the consequences alone, not them. You will be blown, disintegrated and vanished into oblivion. Not them.

You have to win. 

That's my straight answer to you.

You have to win this, or die try. 

History will only remember two types of people; the winner and the loser. Nothing in between. And if you fall into this category, remember that you are worthless than the loser, for the history itself will not even try to remember you.

Again, my answer to you is straight and simple.

You have to win.

Or die try.

Frail

I saw an elderly lady today before her surgery; I was doing my pre-anaesthetic assessment and running through the check-list.

I've explained to her and her husband the anaesthetic procedure and answered their questions. She didn't talk much, and appeared to be a but nervous too. 

As I was about to wrap up the session, her husband pulled me to the side and whispered: 

"Please take care of her; She's the only one I got."

His eyes glistened. 

"....I will, Sir."

We had a challenging time balancing her temperamental blood pressure and keeping her adequately sedated throughout the surgery, but she managed to push through, thankfully.

We kept her in ICU post-operatively for closer monitoring and care. I went to see her before going home just now and she looked all right. She opened her eyes a bit when I was fiddling around with her records, managed to gave a faint smile and continued to sleep. 

I left the hospital today, feeling grateful. 

I wonder, will I be the same like the lady's husband when I arrived at that age? Will I be as caring as he is? 

Or, will I be able to do the same to my parents, when they become frail? 

I hope I will. 

I believe I should.

InshaAllah.

Kopi

Tengahari tadi aku ada case presentation untuk para houseman/junior HMO. Sepatutnya turn aku bulan Mac lepas, tapi sebab walimah, aku tangguhkan.

Aku ambil satu kes menarik waktu aku di Emergency Department dulu. Mulanya patient ni datang macam biasa, tapi kemudian deteriorated dengan cepat. 

Aku rasa puas sebab di bahagian discussion, ada beberapa houseman/intern yang bertanyakan soalan-soalan yang padaku sangat praktikal dan relevan. Memang itu yang aku harapkan. Kes yang aku huraikan straight forward, tapi perbincangan tentang management dan treatment plan itu yang aku ingin go in depth. Moga bermanfaat, InshaAllah.

Lepas presentation, aku minum kopi sat. Lega. Rasa hilang satu beban.

Harsh reality

Balik dari hospital, buka pintu rumah; angin sejuk menerpa. Sunyi. 

Lupa. Isteri dah balik Malaysia. 

Masuk bilik tidur, terngiang-ngiang suara isteri memasak di dapur, menjemput makan, menanyakan tentang kerja dan memesan barang dapur yang dah habis.

Sunyi!

One

I have just finished my Advance Paediatric Life Support (APLS) course and successfully passed the exams! 

Alhamdulillah!

One small step at a time.

Now, time to go home. I think my wife is preparing some mee rebus for dinner.

Piala II

Alhamdulillah.

Satu per satu. 

Milik Allah SWT segala pujian dan sembahan makhluk sekelian alam. 

Muta'akhir, aku semakin berminat dgn Paediatric. I think I can do it. 

I know some of you would roll your eyes in disbelief, particularly if you have read my earlier entries; that I have changed my interest for lots of times! From this to that and what not. 

It can't be helped, I guess. I'm still exploring and trying. The game is still young. I have to die-try to know. I'm not a genius; I'm just a guy who would learn from making mistakes and taking risks. Loads of them. Before I can make a correct decision I have to make ten of unwise and stupid ones.  

As such, it takes me awhile to decide; and yes, this might not turn out to be the right one after all; for all you know. 

Dear God, guide me. Let me not go astray. Let me not go to the path of shame and destruction. 

I have made my application into the paediatric training position next year. I have to go for interviews first. And it would not be until the end of September before I might hear anything from them. 

In the mean time, the hospital has just recently (this afternoon actually) agreed to sponsor my Advance Paediatric Life Support (APLS) course. Alhamdulillah. The HR workforce lady rang me and told me the jolly good news. 

APLS is a continuous training course which aims to, as the name implies, train candidates for managing emergency cases in children and babies. It serves both as an education course and a certificate examination. Holding the certificate would certainly helps in improving your credentials in applying for advance paediatric training. 

The available spots are limited and the cost is more than two thousand dollars (I was told). That's why I'm so happy they finally granted my application. 

Next in the tick-box list would be to secure the training position, apply for postgraduate certificate in child health (DCH, University of Sydney) and take the royal college exams before admitted as a fellow (FRACP). But that is still a long way to go. 

Please include me in your du'as dear readers (if any). It's hard and competitive. 

One small step at a time. InshaAllah.

If my wife reads this; I am doing this for our family. Take my hand, please, and let us walk this road together.

Kempen lintas jalan dengan selamat.

Mudah

Ramai yang kata 'Agama Islam ini Mudah'. Setiap kali aku jumpa dgn frasa ini, terbit satu perasaan tak senang dan gelisah dalam hati aku. 

Aku rasa tak setuju dgn perkataan 'mudah'.  Melainkan ada ayat suci Al-quran atau hadis Rasul SAW yg spesifik berkata demikian. 

Kalau mudah, tak akan ada susah payah, perit jerih dlm mempertahankan aqidah ini. Lihatlah sirah, terokailah sejarah. Membaca Al-quran pun hatta ada cara-caranya, dan menerbitkan hukum pula begitu ketat disiplin ilmunya. 

Barangkali perkataan yg lebih sesuai adalah 'jelas'. 

Tapi, bila fikir-fikir balik, it is somewhat 'mudah' juga, kerana semuanya sudah jelas dan nyata, sudah diperihalkan dan diperincikan segenap aspek. Jadi, 'mudah'. 

In a way, perhaps. 

Random thoughts while feeding the hospital turtles yang tak puasa. 

Posted from iOS.

Piala

Dah lama tak nampak tiang gol. Kadang-kadang, buat-buat tak nampak. Most of the time, tak nak nampak pun.

Kalau nampak, tak tahu macam mana nak sumbat gol. Kadang-kadang, bila dah tahu, tak mahu pula. Most of the time, tengok saja member lain yang sumbat gol.

Sekali imbas, macam kiasu.

Memang pun.

Tapi, kadang-kadang, tertanya pada diri. Sanggupkah hanya duduk termanggu, sambil tengok orang lain julang piala?

Apa dia?

Ya?

Tak sanggup.

Let's move on.

Saum

With only one more day to go, I'm wishing all muslims a very good and barakah Ramadhan.

Water under the bridge, and everyday is a new day.

Rise up, and shine.

Tahrir and Tamarud

Coorperation would only last as long as the status quo of those involved remain unchanged.

Patrick Gates, National Treasure.


My solidarity for Mr. President of Egypt, Dr. Mursi.

A point that I humbly urge my fellow countrymen to deeply ponder.

Fender

Aku ada sebuah gitar kapok. Tak terer main pun. Main untuk diri sendiri sahaja. Biasanya lepas balik kerja, atau pun hujung minggu, aku main dalam sejam dua, sekali -sekala. Saja, untuk santai-santai. Lagu-lagu pun tak banyak berubah; apa yang aku main waktu sekolah dulu, itu lah yang aku main sekarang. Takda geng dah.

Dua minggu lepas, aku beri gitar itu pada member. Kadang-kadang, tangan rasa 'gatal'. Rindu kot. Tak apalah. Gitar itu lebih diperlukan di sana. 

Syahrul Qur'an

القابض

Al-Qabid, nama suci Allah SWT, nama yang ke-20 mengikut susunan nasyid Asma'ul Husna, membawa erti 'Yang Maha Menyempitkan( makhluknya )' atau 'The Restrainer' dalam Bahasa Inggeris.

Menurut susunan nama dalam nasyid berkenaan juga, Al-Qabid didahului oleh Nama-nama suci seperti Al-Wahhab, Al-Razzaq dan Al-Fattah yang memberi erti Yang Maha Pemberi Kurnia, Yang Maha Pemberi Rezeki dan Yang Maha Pembuka Rahmat respectively. 

Selepas Al-Qabid, nama-nama suci Al-Basit (Yang Maha Melapangkan), Al-Khafid (Yang Maha Merendahkan), Al-Rafik (Yang Maha Meninggikan), Al-Muiz (Yang Maha Memuliakan) dan Al-Muzil (Yang Maha Menghinakan) pula menyusul.

Maha suci Allah SWT. Milik Engkaulah segala kebijaksanaan, dan milik Engkau jugalah segala pujian.

Point aku kali ini ringkas shj, (bukanlah di namakan point kalau kompleks, by the way); minta lah pada Tuhan-Mu. Apa jua. Tuhan-Mu tidak pernah jemu mendengar segala rayuan, sehingga hambaNya sendiri jemu meminta.

Juga, mengambil semangat persiapan menyambut bulan rahmah dan berkah, bulan Ramadhan. Dulu, waktu solat tarawikh di university, selang masa selepas rakaat ke 8 selalunya di-isi dengan kuliah ringkas Tauhid Asma' wa Sifat; penerangan tentang nama, maksud dan bagaimana dengan mengimani nama dan dzat-dzat Allah SWT mampu menjadi suluh pedoman hidup Muslim/Muslimah.

Allah humma balighna Ramadhan.